I don’t have a favorite song.
I don’t have many favorites of anything, actually. I guess the exception is, that I do have a favorite band. Queen. I’m obnoxiously obsessed with their music and in love with everything about Freddie Mercury. I think he was, and is, one the greatest performers and vocalists to ever exist. But as for all music, I don’t have a favorite. And I think its because I have listened to too much. Thousands of songs, albums, and lyrics. When I want to pass the time, I turn to music. I listen to it, write it, create it and try to experience every and anything involving it. I love to find new artists and create playlists. I have spent hours in pursuit of discovering new music and enjoying what I already love. My car is filled with mix cds, some mine and some that were meant for others who will never know or receive them.
A better way to explain all of this is, I don’t like silence. I need music. Not noise, music. Just like the way I don’t like bare walls. I prefer my walls covered with band posters, art pieces, postcards, polaroids, you name it… In my life, I want to be surrounded by as many beautiful things as I can. I want to constantly hear beautiful music and I want to listen to all of it. And I believe it is all unique and worth listening to. This was my life until I discovered the, “tunnel song.”
What is a tunnel song you may ask? I will gladly tell you. A “tunnel song,” is a phrase I stole, with a definition I coined, from one of my favorite books/movies: Perks of Being a Wallflower, by Stephen Chbosky. In the book and movie, the characters repeatedly drive through a tunnel while one character (Sam or Charlie) stand in the back of a truck, arms out and hair blowing in the breeze. They say over and over again how doing this makes them them feel infinite, this feeling of flying. The first time they do this, Sam hears a song on the radio and tells them to turn it up as she stands in the back of the truck. They don’t know the song, but instantly fall in love with it. Throughout the main plot of the story, Charlie is trying to find the, “tunnel song.” In the end, Sam finds it and it ends up being, “Heroes,” by David Bowie. (An amazing song! Listen to it now. Seriously.) This song, and flying though the tunnel, becomes a symbol of their infinite youth and friendship. A “tunnel song” is a song that makes you feel infinite, fearless, limitless and extraordinary every time you listen to it.
As I slowly became, and still am, obsessed with this book/movie, I strongly desired to experience this feeling of being infinite. I wanted to fly. I wanted to feel that exact same feeling Chbosky’s described in his text. And I then I thought to myself, “I want to find MY tunnel song.” But then I had another thought..how in the world could I choose just one song?
One song out of thousands to blast through the windows as I stood through the sun roof, the cold night air hitting my face, making me feel like I was flying. How was one song supposed to make me feel like I was limitless, unstoppable, strong, endless, and infinite? How could one simple melody and one artist make me feel more passion and fire in my soul than anything I had ever experienced? How was I supposed to find it? And where would I even begin to look?
I have loved many songs, artists and albums. I have so many specific memories, and moments of my life, connected to songs. But none of them made me feel this infinite, free, feeling. Needless to say, I didn’t have much hope or direction for this search. But something inside me knew my, “tunnel song,” was out there.
Somewhere, there was a song. My song.
Someday, on a perfect night and with the right group of friends, who would encourage my spontaneity and embrace this odd obsession of mine, it would happen. I knew, deep inside me, it had to.
Not specifically for my, “tunnel song,” but for music. More music than I could remember or listen to. I kept looking and listening to all that I could find. I would listen while walking, driving, working, in class.. whenever I could, I listened to music. I would lay on my floor at night, looking at my twinkle lights and art covered walls, playing songs over and over until something stuck. I made countless mix cds, mood playlists and discovered all the new artists I could. I listened and listened and listened until I got sick of something or head over heels in love with it. And the best part of it was, I found many wonderful songs. Many of them stuck so deep in my memory, that vivid moments of my past are remembered through those songs. My life slowly became a compilation of playlists, albums and mix cds. The timeline of my teenage and young adult years, were narrated by a track list of the best songs I knew. Even though my life had now been given a soundtrack, only one song gave me this infinite feeling I longed for. And I’m happy to say, I did find it.
(This would be a real drag if I didn’t.)
I knew I would. There was no way I couldn’t.
So without further ado, this is the story of my tunnel song and the songs that led up to finding it. This is the bittersweet journey I went on, accompanied with all the beautiful obsessions I discovered along the way. This is the track list of my life and how I found the most inspiring and perfect song in the most imperfect way. And thats how intend to tell it. So, put in your headphones, turn up the volume and press play.
We’ll start with track one.